Guides To Great Couple Communication

You're bound to disagree with your significant other from time to time, whether it's about chores, finances or just what movie to see. Fortunately, you can be angry with your honey without worrying that you're on the road to splitsville.

The key is to communicate in a way that deepens your love and connection. How you speak to your partner -- especially during arguments? Those who talk respectfully and with love are happier and stay wed longer than those who attack each other's character or treat each other with contempt.

Happily married couples behave like good friends, because they handle their conflicts in gentle and positive ways.....

Try the following guides to help you tune up your couple talk -- and stay closer than ever:

1. Become an active listener

Many people don't listen to what their partners are saying during a disagreement, because they're too busy thinking about how to rebut them. Before you begin, agree to take turns: One of you gets to speak while the other listens without interrupting. After each of you has spoken, show that you understand the other's feelings.

2. Complain without blame

Want your guy to stop leaving the TV remote between the sofa cushions? Ask nicely, using "I" statements: "I get frustrated having to search for the remote, so I'd like you to put it back in the end table drawer when you're done." Avoid critical "you" statements, like this one: "You always leave things all over the place!"

3. Own up to your part

Take responsibility for your contribution to the problem, hard as it may be: "I should have talked to you about the price of the sofa before buying it. Let's figure out ways we can cut back until the sofa is paid off." Denying it ("I didn't spend too much") or counterattacking ("Well, you spent a fortune on the flat-screen TV") will just lead to hurt feelings and flaring tempers.

4. Forget the past

When you're in the middle of a disagreement, stay on topic. Dredging up old conflicts ("This is just like the time you ...") could overwhelm and upset your partner -- not to mention put him on the defensive. Plus, skipping from one subject to another makes it hard to reach a resolution.

5. Take a time-out

When a discussion isn't going well, many couples tend to keep barreling through, which makes things worse, not better. The next time one of you gets emotional mid-conflict, put the discussion on hold -- whether it's for 15 minutes or five days -- until you're calm and thinking clearly.

6. Show gratitude

 

Every day, look for opportunities to acknowledge the things your significant other does right, instead of nitpicking about his flaws. Saying things like "Those lamb chops were delicious -- thanks for making dinner tonight" will go a long way toward strengthening the friendship in your marriage. And that, in turn, will make it easier to manage conflicts.

                                 

 

 

                                

                        And finally, don't forget to give your partner a warm kiss everyday ......