Your girlfriend performs the same sub-conscious calculus on your suitability, and as her hormone levels oscillate, her preferences change. Sometimes she may want a long-term catch, other times a stud for the night.
To her, it's an evolutionary tradeoff: Masculinity and attractiveness indicate good genes; intelligence and warmth suggest a good future dad. "Women tend to alternate between which type they're looking for," says Elizabeth Pillsworth, Ph.D., a scholar at the UCLA center for the study of women. "They value different partner qualities at different times based on what their bodies and brains are telling them is important at the moment."
If you're handy with these personas, you'll always be the man she desires no matter how her needs change.
On the mate market, intelligence is non-negotiable. In a 2002 study, Arizona State University researchers gave women 20 "mate dollars" to build the perfect man from a list of 10 characteristics. The women spent the most on intelligence—twice the amount they doled out for looks. A University of California at Davis study found that smart men were also preferred for one-night stands. Intelligence suggests problem-solving ability, higher creativity, higher social status, and more income opportunities, says study author Mark Prokosch, Ph.D. Not convinced yet? Another study found that smart men have stronger-swimming sperm.
Be the man: Go rock climbing. Or biking. Or even birding. Pick something you're great at—and she's not. If you show her how to do something you love, she'll come away impressed, says University of Iowa sociologist Christine B. Whelan, Ph.D., the author of Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women. "Women don't need rocket scientists," says Whelan. "They want someone who is curious and who engages with the world."
The Superhero
You're a sensitive 21st-century guy, not a caveman cliché. Thing is, sometimes she wants the cliché. "For short-term flings, women frequently prefer men who show social dominance and have masculine bodies and symmetrical faces," says Daniel Kruger, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Michigan's school of public health. "These features accompany high testosterone, which is a cue of a good genetic quality."Be the man: Put down your razor. In a 2008 study, women rated men with light stubble as most desirable. A bit of facial hair shows masculinity without appearing too dominant and aggressive, says study author Nick Neave, Ph.D., of Northumbria University in England. Want the look? Use an electric trimmer on position 1 or 2.
As for the persona, well, don't overdo it. In a University of New Mexico study, researchers found that during women's fertile phases, when they were craving masculinity and felt sexiest, their mates detected those feelings and became increasingly attentive. But the more the men smothered, the less the women initiated sex. This phase starts about a week after the first day of her period and lasts 7 or 8 days. She may dress alluringly and be more open to sexual signals, says gynecologist Rebecca Booth, M.D., author of The Venus Week. Whisper something suggestive, like, "You look gorgeous. I can't wait to be with you later." It'll trip her arousal alarms.
The Blue-Chip Prospect
Many women suspect they'll have to sacrifice their careers to raise children, so they're constantly assessing your ability to provide, says Gary Brase, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at Kansas State University.Be the man: To gauge your willingness to share resources, she'll check out your everyday kindness and generosity. So instead of fussing over who owes what when the dinner check arrives, just put the bill on your credit card and settle up later. Or, at a supermarket checkout, let the person with two items go ahead of you.
Unconditional selflessness may be an evolutionary signal of intelligence and resourcefulness, according to a 2007 study in the Journal of Research in Personality. Showing this quality suggests that you have resources to spare.
The Lothario
In a Kenyon College study, men thought the ideal number of sexual partners over a man's lifetime should be at least 13. Women wanted just five. She's pickier because she's the one stuck with the kid if you jet. Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., the author of Touch Me There, says a woman who is looking for a sexually intelligent and confident man understands that a guy isn't born with those skills—he learned them, well, on the job. Be the man: Ease her inhibitions so she can focus on pleasure. "Making her comfortable helps her assert herself sexually, so she'll take ownership of her satisfaction and increase her sense of adventure," Fulbright says. Your move: Cuddle her before sex instead of after. You're pregaming for pleasure by spiking her testosterone, according to a 2007 study in Hormones and Behavior. This helps her reach orgasm. Massage overlooked spots, such as her collarbone. "It shows you're not on a beeline for sex, so she can savor the moment," Fulbright says.
The Sharp Wit
No, she's not looking for a laugh. Women want wit to emerge at moments of awkwardness and stress. "Humor requires looking at common things in unexpected ways," says Don Nilsen, Ph.D., cofounder of the International Society for Humor Studies. She figures, if you can see the funny side of things, you will also see her side in an argument.Be the man: Women generally find stories more humorous than one-liners or sarcastic rants. "Men tell jokes to compete and impress, while women tell anecdotes to share and bond," says Nilsen. Stories bring the teller and listener closer.
During arguments, couples use humor to ease tension, express hostility, or shift the focus. Shoot for the first and the last. Using humor positively leads to more satisfying relationships, according to a 2008 study in the Journal of Psychology. But when humor becomes a shtick, it's a negative. "The next time you're in a dispute, open with a joke as a peace offering to lower her guard," suggests Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., the author of Love in 90 Days. "Then focus seriously on fixing the issue at hand."
No comments:
Post a Comment